how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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