My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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