so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize