Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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