my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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