Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
