Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
