p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize