first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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