Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
