I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
