***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
