Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
