insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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