Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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