i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
