You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize