mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
