It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
