my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
