People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
