i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
