Can Purell be used as lube?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
