the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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