she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
