I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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