operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
