My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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