Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dick has a subreddit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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