ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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