i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
