I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
