Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
