No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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