hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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