I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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