my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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