Did you just see the Batmobile???
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
