I'm going to jail i love you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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