she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
