Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
