I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
