I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please, let me fuck your mom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
