btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
