I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
