dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
