Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize