im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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