I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
