Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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