i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
