Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
