There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
