piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
