So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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