You're completely useless in the revolution.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
