i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sext me about skeletons
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
