He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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