Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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