More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize