OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
