One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
