I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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