I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
