I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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