your parents love me but you hate me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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