I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
