During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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