A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
