Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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