I hate your face
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
