after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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