Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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