how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She bit a glass in half.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
