I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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