I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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