She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
