Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
