More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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