Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
