he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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