she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
