dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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