Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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