woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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