Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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