maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
