Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize