my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she smelled like a LAN party
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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