I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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