I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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