then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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