i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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