respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
