So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
