Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
