nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
