Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
