so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
