Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
