don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
