Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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