Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
